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February 3, 2010

Twas The Night Before Hire
December 10, 2009

Twas the night before Hire, when all through my foyer
Not a staffer was stirring, not even my lawyer.
The covenants were drafted, restricted with flare,
In hopes my new employee would sign without care.

My sales force had gone home, securely to their retreats,
To review tomorrow’s leads, and their non-competes.
And with HR in tow, and I leading the way,
We retired to the conference room, to orchestrate our play.

When out in the hall, there arose such a clatter,
I hid under the table; HR went to determine the matter.
Away to the entry, HR flew like a flash,
As I clutched my receivables, and began counting my cash.

The dim light above, barely illuminating the hall,
Gave luster to a man portending my shortfall.
He presented a document with too many redlines to count,
Alas, my non-compete, with all the goodies taken out!

He shimmied past HR, as if he’d been here before,
Mumbling sweet-nothings about evening the score.
HR raced behind, attempting to announce his arrival,
As I bunkered more deeply, questioning my survival!

Well-polished, he entered the room and extended his hand,
And after such niceties, laid out revisions to my uneven plan.
Reason and fairness, he admonished, must have been misplaced,
Within my beloved contract, that now caused our shared space.

He cited chapter and verse, about the Second District with glee,
About the law in this land, well developed by those three.
When I smugly corrected, the Bench totals five,
His smile suggested my thoughts should stay inside.

“That’s a funny thing to know,” he offered, comforted by my chair,
He leaned a bit closer, “Have you ever been there?”
Concern crept to my craw, my blunder now felt,
As I silently debated the hand I’d been dealt.

I looked to HR, searching for a last minute reprieve,
Something, anything, secretly rolled up a sleeve.
But HR’s cupboard was bare; the look even less than pleasant,
As we both quickly glimpsed our new employee’s holiday present.

Then, with a twinkle in his eye, he arose from his seat,
And wondered aloud if there was a middle ground we’d meet.
Calculations of fees danced in my head,
Even as my lawyer rest soundly in his bed.

Dressed in fine linens, I admired his form,
As I wrestled within whether to upset my norm.
I valued my control, and the price it had cost,
To ensure my employees would never be lost.

But, I’d been to that place, he seemingly aware well,
Then guided by principle and law’s mystical spell.
I longed for the fight, litigation’s warm glow,
But not the expense caused to fund the great show.

I rose to meet him, and extended my right hand,
Choosing this time to act like a businessman.
Pleased by grace, he firmly squeezed tight,
Knowing this evening, there’d be no need to fight.

His eyes-how they twinkled! His dimples how merry!
His mind inwardly raced on the percentage he’d carry!
His droll little mouth was drawn and now laxed,
Seeking to determine how his client would be taxed.

He was chubby and plump, a well-disguised elf,
And I laughed despite his opposition to myself!
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.

He spoke not a word, but sat down at the table,
Revised the agreement quickly and able.
Handed me pen, and witnessed me sign,
As I ceded control just this one time!

He sprang to his feet, on the way out gave a whistle,
Away down the hall he flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, as he drove off my place,
”Covenants will be reasonable by time, manner and space!”